"Where are the eggs, Mr. President?" Golden Goose Owner Faces Major Losses From Rising Chicken Egg Value, Demands Answers

This post is from the Satire category.

For twelve years, Rachel Bratcher from North Dakota has’t needed to worry about her financial situation. In November of 2013, in the field just outside her countryside house, she saw an egg with a very unusual attribute: it appeared golden.

“I remember thinking it was a trick of the light - maybe the way the sun hit some kind of yellow bird egg - but when I held it, it felt heavy.”

Upon realizing that the “egg” was in fact a ovoid-shaped mass of solid gold metal, she spent roughly two weeks tracking down the bird that layed it. Since then, her annual income has skyrocketed even after quitting her job. That is, until recently, now that the increasing value of chicken eggs has threatened to make her investment obsolete.

“At first I didn’t think I needed to worry about it; surely chicken eggs could never be more valuable than my gold… right? But it kept rising.”

In the interview, she described how this situation affected her politics:

“When I saw the campaign ads for Donald Trump promising to make eggs cheaper, I knew what I needed to do. I voted for him and hoped he would save my investment.”

Regardless, the price of eggs has continued to increase, and today it finally surpassed Mrs. Bratcher’s gold revenue. Despite the campaign promises, we have seen no attempts by the President to remedy this changing economy.