Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Gravity

This post is from the Satire category.

Since the first day of his second term of office, President Trump has signed numerous executive orders. Some legal theorists have expressed concerns that a few of these orders overreach the powers of the Executive, but until now, none of them have gone so far as to attempt to claim authority over the laws of physics.

That changed today, when the President signed executive order “Protecting Freedom of Movement and Ending Physically Restrictive Systems.” The order will forbid all departments and operations of the Executive branch from “establishing, assisting, enabling, or acknowledging” any “systems which infringe the right of American citizens to their freedom of movement by causing persons or objects to be forced downward without direct intervention.”

Additionally, the order contains a provision forbidding federal agencies from “propagating the notion one’s rights of physical freedom can be restricted by so-called ‘laws of nature’” or from “providing funding or aid to any public or private entities which make such claims.” In theory, this line would remove funding from schools that teach the physics of gravity, as well as from research institutions that publish gravity-related studies.